Manjushri

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Posts posted by Manjushri

  3. Posted

    Hey everybody, I think you missed the point. I'm not constantly depressed. I do all the personal development shit. It's just an unwholesome outlook on life and conditioned mental patterns.@Nickyy  I'm more having bipolar symptoms than classic depressive ones. 5 days elated manic 5 days "kill me" depression. Everything is alright, literally, whenever I sit to meditate, everything is alright, yet I want to die.  What the fuck? 

    Considering supressing feelings, I don't think I do. My "depressions" are filled with anger,hurt and "hatred" (which I only just recently begun to feel, finally I'm honest enough with myself to feel it woo)

    .@Anna1 Well, what does it take, Anna? I don't know where to start. I guess I'll make a SMART goal or a vision with counseling/therapy but that's so unlikely to happen atm. I'm trying to put mental effort into making a dentist appointment.

  4. Posted

    I basically don't want to live out these depressive patterns anymore in my life. It's a crime against life, in a sense. 

    This is one of my great obstacles in my path. I'm often heavily, truly, clinically depressed. Like, rotting teeth depressed. Not eating and lying on the floor for days depressed. 

    The depressed mind affects my outlook on life in general. It's not that I'm dysfunctional, not that I'm purposeless and goal-less. I do heavy personal development and enlightenment work. I do all my tasks, I love life, I am energetic, charismatic and everything. But even without depressive episodes I still feel that it affects me, my personal development and my consciousness work. I want to get over that shit for life. It's toxic and burdening.

    What the fuck do I do, where do I start. I need to dig this out and about. See what beliefs are faulty and limiting. To become aware of my emotional problems, and to discover the root of them, to free myself of them.

    Thought patterns are full of death and wanting to die even though I love experiencing and I love being and I love Being and I love life. 

    It's like, if I took a drug which changed my physiology (body) it would actually change my mind as well. And then I would be motivated enough to stand up and eg go to the dentist before my teeth completely rot (im only 20) and brush them more often etc. Fucked up mind fucks up the body which in turn fucks up the mind even more, vicious circle.

    I gave too little information but it took me real willpower to start this topic (no physical motivation to do it (depression)).

    I am eternally grateful for whatever you write, I can't wait to read it all. Thank you.

  6. Posted

    I've been thinking about this phenomena. It just seems so delusional, to think in terms of satisfying justice. I can't pinpoint the ego mechanism of justice. Is it desire, aversion, attachment? I'm talking about both the broad term and the narrow one. (narrow - why is it *just* for a criminal to be pursued and persecuted and get his sentence) 

    What is justice? What is the root of a desire for justice? Is it innate? 

  8. Posted

    Why commit suicide? Meditate on the reason, get to the root of the desire. What answers do you find? Don't answer with your intellect.

     

    Is it because you're unhappy with your current self? Not living according to your values? Then the suicidal drive is a call to growth.

    Is it aggression towards yourself? Is it out of strong kleshas? Which ones?

    Is it because you're suffering too much? If so, why are you suffering? Is there another way out?

     

  12. Posted

    5 minutes ago, outlandish said:

    You should start by drinking some real good coffee instead of nescafe xD Organic, fair trade beans, freshly roasted at a good local roaster. Get a decent grinder and espresso machine if you want really good coffee, or an aeropress or drip for very good coffee on a simple budget.

    What are the negative effects you're worried about?

    If you wanted to have 0 tolerance, you could cycle it like you said, with that period of rest. You'd probably still build up a bit of tolerance slowly like that, but it would disappear after a week or two of total abstinence.

    "Detox" isn't the right word, since it's not really toxic.

    Thank you!

    Espresso is too strong for me. I drink really weak coffee and still get half-jittery in a good way because I guess I'm really sensitive to it :)

    I don't want to be like my mother, who drinks 4 cups of coffee just to be functional.

    What do you think is the best way to cycle?

    I'm also interested in other nootropics, first to start with the "natural" ones because my body is obviously really sensitive to stims, I guess I wouldn't be able to sleep for 3-4 days because of modafinil >:(

  13. Posted · Edited by Manjushri

    @DrewNows I dont actively smoke nor drink coffee but I love to use both cigs and coffee from time to time. Whenever I started abusing it I just quit and reevaluated (when I was a kid smoking packs on school trips for fun and then suddenly get additcted). Now I cant get myself to the point of addiction because I'm actively actualizing and using them only moderately haha

  14. Posted

    I'm talking about the type of coffee, how much should I consume it to never build tolerance or only a slight one, etc etc. 

    I've been experimenting with coffee and I love the high in all levels and I never have a crash. I'm just worried I might overuse it and then fuck it up. 

    Basically I guess I want to drink it my entire life but only as a nootropic. So I want to maximize the effects and minimize the negative things.

    What I'm drinking at the moment is one nescafe a day and it's only because of exams. Coffee makes me feel so good, like physically pleasant, energetic, concentrated, everything. And it's a pretty cheap legal drug too.

    Is one daily with 2 days detox the way to go or how the fuck should I go on with drinking this and not becoming the zombie coffee addict type where coffee just becomes a crutch and not a stim.

    thanks in advance

  17. Posted

    I've lost 7.5 kg. I don't want to gain weight ever again, I feel like this is the healthiest body fat for my size. 

    I'm making it a daily habit to weigh myself. I don't think it's enough though - because sometimes I eat without caring about gaining weight. 

    Last time I lost weight but got depressed and regained it in two-three months. I don't want that ti happen ever again. I don't ever want to have extra fat ever again. It impacts the quality of both my mind and my life. 

    I want to make a fool-proof plan to never gain again. Please help. 

  18. Posted · Edited by Manjushri
    typo

    3 hours ago, abrakamowse said:

    @Manjushri  Thanks Manjushri, I am not going anymore to the psychiatrist anyway. I am going to take less and less medication until I will stop completely. No worries. 

    Thanks for your advice anyway. I think the same as you. If you still want to know I was only taking Zoloft. That's the only thing they gave me.

    Thanks!

    Oh I guess that isn't too damaging. Don't worry, taper it off responsibly, and your system will clean itself in less than a year. Hope you don't have any severe sexual dysfunctions. Best of luck man :)

  19. Posted

    22 hours ago, abrakamowse said:

    I understand all what you are saying. It happened to me too. Probably in my case it wasn't so bad as in other cases that's why I could overcome it. I know. In my case the pills were helpful to me. It helped me to "heal" the neurotransmitters and think better and finally get well. I am still taking medication.

    But, only medication doesn't assure that you can be cured too. The doctors are very clear that the pills help you to recover and then you have to try to think differently of the situation, they teach you how to cope with stressful situations because otherwise you will go again into schizophrenia or psychosis. 

    What happens with those cases that are extreme, as you mentioned (where I was there was some cases that they had to be in a special area because they were violent) is that they changed the structure of the brain because of their thinking. That's harder to overcome. I am not saying that only with meditation they will get cured. The pills and the treatments can help them to leave that place of wrong thinking.

    But the center point of this is that in my opinion, it all begins with our thoughts and our perception of reality. That "thinking" can go really out of hand at some moments or persons and really they are in a very difficult place to overcome that schizoid thoughts.

    When you continue thinking that you are the thinker, is hard to control thoughts that go out of control.

    I am not sure if I was clear to express my point Lol...

    This thread is becoming very valuable, really. Thanks all for sharing your POVs.

    Hey man, I'm extremely anti-medication. I have a lot of science behind that. Would you like me to send you all that? They do you more harm than good unless in extreme acute cases where it should be used for a short short time, just to tranqulize the body-mind and give it some rest. 

  20. Posted · Edited by Manjushri

    @Keyhole sorry, dopamine or ANY neurotransmitter imbalance in psychosis and schizophrenia is just a hypothesis. This medication does a lot more to the brain. Dopamine might be tok excited in the mesolymbic system hence the "mystic" experiences. If I make the map the territory, and call the neurotransmitter that I have as a certain sensation in my experience as dopamine, then, yes, whenever I had a spiritual experience a lot of dopamine was being released. 

    You need to take into account that psychiatry's main quest is to remove symptoms (agitation) and to actually tranqulize those who don't comply to social norms. Mental hospitals are usually incarcetation and coercion. 

    Also, the money in the game... Pharmaceutical industry. You know the amount of charges pressed against Lily for Zyprexa, the most popular antipsychotic? They tried to sell it for everything, then they figured, hey, the crazy man is not screaming anymore. Let's make a scientific hypothesis of how we fixed him!

    23 hours ago, Keyhole said:

    @abrakamowse Schizophrenia is much more complex than this - the neurotransmitters in the brain don't work properly in schizophrenics.
    I've been to a mental hospital in the past for a psychotic episode and some of the people there are so far gone they are not even in the same room - there s no way that they could ever even hope to comprehend some of the topics discussed on this forum.

    But what I did notice, was that the group of people that I had come in with around the same time - within a few weeks on medications, they were not having quite as many delusions, or hallucinations - they were coming out of their shells.  We were all talking to one another.

    https://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/schizophrenia

    Scientists believe that people with schizophrenia have an imbalance of the brain chemicals or neurotransmitters: dopamine, glutamate and serotonin. These neurotransmitters allow nerve cells in the brain to send messages to each other.

    For them, it is like being on a drug all the time - the brain is not regulating these chemicals properly.  

    This woman has learned to live with her hallucinations, but they don't simply go away.

    (insert science and neurotransmitters)

  22. Posted

    Of course it's just a construct, but there are some regularities in "symptoms" so we can give it a name. 

    To grt diagnosed with it, you need to have more than 2 out of 5 of these :

    hallucinations, delusions (okay) 

    trouble concentrating (LOL) 

    incoherent behavior and speech

    movement disorders

    Alright. So what the fuck are hallucinations? I'm not naive realist so I'm not asking that. I'm asking, why is this person's experience different than the majority? 

    Is it anything spiritual? A greater sensitivity? 

    A person who gets a diagnosis of schizo would be a medium or a shaman (if spiritual work) and be revered and exalted in a different culture. 

    What are delusions? How do they come into being? How can you start believing that the government is spying on you in paranoid schizo? 

    I want to talk about it in general, from more aspects. When somebody is deranged, my theory is that it's all emotional problems, I can't fit hallucinations in that web of belief. 

    I want to talk about it from a spiritual perspective, psychology as well. I decided to be a clinical psychologist a few days ago. Before that, I met my first person with that diagnosis. She has an extreme sensibility for art even though she is underage, a sensibility for life actually. A greater reverence of it. I admire her.