Preety_India

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Posts posted by Preety_India


  1. 56 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

    You see what you want to see. Being afraid of losing someone is being co-dependent. As a result you will try to manipulate them to keep them. All controlling behavior stems from feelings of wanting to be in control. If a man is afraid to lose his women he will lie, threaten, and engage in power plays to keep her. If he is okay whether she stays or goes, he will tell her what his standards are and allow her to either agree or disagree. 

    Its called choice. But again you see what you want to see.

    Not everyone who doesn't want to lose plays games. All relationships have some degree of codependency. That's basically relationships are, nobody is too independent 


  2. 46 minutes ago, something_else said:

    This is basically what a FWB is lol

    Don't get hung up on the terminology. It's just a term meaning casual sex. The friend part is not really relevant.

    And it's rarely just sex. Most of the time it's a person you have great chemistry with but neither of you are at a time in life when you feel like you want  a committed relationship. It's exactly what you want, but you're inventing a new description for it to avoid the negative stigmas you have in your mind towards FWB and casual sex.

    It's a very feminine thing to do and culture pressures you to shame this part of yourself, so I don't blame you.

    I still don't want the term Fwb because it's with friends and I don't wanna do it with a friend. 


  3. 14 minutes ago, something_else said:

    Oh, ok. Then just get yourself a FWB or two and stop caring about commitment at all for now. That's how you are gonna get the most masculine energy if that's what you really want.

    It's not being used for sex if you enjoy it too.

    Once you've had your fill then start going back looking for something committed. Or perhaps one of your FWB relationships turns into something more committed by itself. This is a much healthier approach

    Omg the word fwb makes me wanna puke so hard. Oh God. Everytime I ever saw someone say fwb, I saw something super shady about those folks. Isn't it like super dirty to have sex with someone who is actually supposed to be your friend? It never fits with me. Plus how do I know he won't be doing the same with other female friends. Sorry something about fwb looks seriously sketchy to me because I can't really say good things about a person who kinda looks at their own friend that way, if you catch my drift here. I'm not gonna do casual sex, ons or fwb... They all look like super dirty options. Maybe it's my mind but these scream out to me like "sex only" options, and I'm not into "sexxx only" kinda thing. So I want the bf to be like a bf and me to be like a gf but in an undefined tie up between the two of us, although this sounds somewhat pristine, beautiful and romantic to me unlike the dirty options you gave me. 

     

    There is something romantic about not being completely committed yet being in love with a person who you keep meeting on and off (not like friends) but like lovers who wanna meet but not make it official, it keeps the mystery component going. 

     

    Plus no obligations, so no stress or tension 

     

     

     

    A guy who really loves me would probably want that. 


  4. 7 minutes ago, something_else said:

    So you want an exclusive casual relationship where you're not even having sex?

    Now I'm just confused. At that point you're just friends. What even is the point?

    No I want sex. That's the reason I want the relationship. Back then I was a virgin because I had marriage goals in mind which I don't cling to anymore. 


  5. 3 minutes ago, Valach said:

    I am sorry to chime in if I have not much of value to provide. But I have to agree with @something_else here. I've noticed you are often very defensive when someone is trying to give you advice. And I don't see any condescending tone if what advice you recieved from  @something_else

    You won't feel it because you're a man and not on the same level as me. I am bpd and I am sensitive to even slightest levels of meanness. I can detect when someone is deliberately invalidating me.the way someone interacts with me is the way I'll interact back with them. In other words I operate like a mirror.. I guess it's best to stick with the topic


  6. 4 minutes ago, something_else said:

    I'm simply giving you my perspective and drawing on some experience I have.

    Of course you have no obligation to listen to anything I say, but you made a thread asking for advice/perspectives and I gave it, so no need to get angry.

    You have a tendency to react very aggressively to advice that you don't like

     

    And you have a tendency to trigger me with slighted passive aggressive condescending tone to your comments. I'm not angry. Just being salty to the meanness. I mean saying "no man wants to".... can appear mean. 

    4 minutes ago, something_else said:

    I mean... yes to an extent. Just because there's someone out there who will get into this with you doesn't mean it's a good idea for either of you to do it.

    Hmm. I should always do what's best for me. 

    4 minutes ago, something_else said:

    By all means go looking for it and see for yourself. Things will get messy because neither of you will really know what sort of relationship you are in and what the boundaries are. Men especially are often not particularly fond of this sort of emotional drama and lack of clarity in relationships either.

    Is that the reason why so many men have commitment phobia (the famously known relationship issue associated with the male gender), because oh men love love some clarity. What BS. The only men who want that are those men who have a head on their shoulders and a lot of men don't. 

    I didn't say quality men with strict standards. I want someone who fulfills my needs. 

    Women should stop giving a fuck about who they date and look for their own needs first. Enough of patriarchal nonsense. 

    Anyways monogamous relationships are going out the window by the dozen. Women can choose whatever they want... And there will always be guys desperate enough to go for it. Because where else can men get sex except with women? 

    4 minutes ago, something_else said:

    Just go have some fun casual relationships until you're ready for something more serious again. It sounds like you want to be very possessive over guys, which can prevent you from being able to build relationships with the most masculine/attractive dudes who aren't gonna be so fond of that

    I don't want to be some guy's one night stand. Maybe desperate girls for your casual sex trap. Not me. I have maintained myself as a virgin despite a man's hardest efforts to bed me. So I'm not waiting in line for that kind of worthless shit. 

    And hell yeah I always attracted cocky masculine dudes. Because those are the only ones who turn me on. I am just trying to break even and who knows I might get luck. 

    For a woman it's not that hard is it? 


  7. 7 minutes ago, something_else said:

    One of the girls I was seeing recently wanted this kind of relationship.

    It was extremely confusing. When I ended things I said it was because I wasn't ready for a relationship and she kept talking about how she agreed and didn't want a relationship either and so we should stay together. But she wanted us to do everything that people in a relationship do :S No man wants to navigate a situation like that, it's messy and awkward as fuck, and someone's gonna get hurt

    You can't have it both ways. You either commit to a guy or you suck up your ego and go have some more casual relationships with zero obligations. Casual doesn't mean no emotional connection, it just means you have to be secure enough to not be remotely possessive or jealous over them

    No thanks. There will always be guys ready for everything just like there are girls ready for everything. 

    Depends on who you are bargaining with. 

     


  8. @Phil777 you mean in terms of financial, then I'm independent and I don't need to depend on the guy for it.. 

    If I say submissive, it's mostly in the bedroom. But I don't like to dominate men or tell them what to do. I like them doing their own thing without me having to tell them. I don't like submissive passive guys, they don't turn me on. 

    If a guy dominates me outside the bedroom or tries to make decisions for me that's fine with me and I don't feel hurt by that.