Preety_India

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Posts posted by Preety_India


  1. Something I need to get over is this fear 

    56 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

     

    I hardly ever debate @Leo Gura

    This is probably the first time I showed some spine debating him. I'm usually scared of him. 

    I tend to recoil in fear of him because he is more logical than me and I have fear of authority. He is male, authoritarian, founder of the forum, so that definitely makes me nervous and I try to not argue too much with him. 

    So whenever he comes down on me, I tend to cower back and flee the argument. 

    This is my typical response to any authoritarian male (sometimes to authoritarian females as well) 

    Male aggression makes me cower back as a typical response. I'm just glad Leo is never too aggressive with me. In a way he doesn't need to. If he says even a little, I immediately leave his discussion and don't drag it further. For me just a few words is enough to start recoiling back.

    I'm too shy and reserved and fearing kind of person, not how people imagine me.

    A tiny bit of authority can make me submissive.

     

     


  2. 2 minutes ago, Myioko said:

    Being selfish is pretty hard to define and I feel like there are many different flavors in being selfish, and I think it can do good to explore the different flavors of selfishness without actively lashing out or physically hurting others. Maybe because I feel like the word selfish is a pretty loaded word or a word that I’ve associated with a lot of fear/guilt/negativity in the past, but I like to think of the healthier aspects of ‘being super selfish’ as being more ‘self loving’ attitude. Figuring out and learning about selfishness vs selflessness is still a process that I’m going through because I was taught to be very ashamed at the idea of being a self centered person...but here are some things that I remind myself from time to time:

    (oops sorry this ended up being long)

     

    -If someone asks you to do an activity with them/help them, instead of the automatic ‘Yes I’ll help you’ or ‘Yes I need to help them’ thought, take a pause and think...do I actually want to do this? 

     

    -Reduce guilt if you sometimes feel guilty or ‘wrong’ while spending time with yourself and being absorbed in your own interests. Express how you want, how you are feeling. Be as feminine as you want, or however you want to express yourself. Dress how you want. Be unapologetic towards the type of books, videos, topics you find interesting. If the thought ‘I feel guilty or embarrassed for being self absorbed’ repeatedly pops into your head, first off, tell yourself: Am I actively unnecessarily hurting someone else? (Chances are: No, I am not hurting someone else. So, a lot of the guilt is in my head.) Imagine throwing that guilt-thought on an imaginary leaf in a stream and letting that guilt float away. Then take a moment to pat yourself on the back for getting this far in life, for successfully waking up that day. Take a moment to love yourself, tell yourself that nothing is wrong with you and in the end, other people's opinions don’t matter as long as you love yourself. Over time more self confidence and a strong sense of self identity and healthy self focus can be built from there, I think. 

     

    -If others tell you that you are wrong/selfish and it bothers you, or you don’t want that person to criticize you (or, you simply don’t feel ready to have a critique on your personality because your already trying to process other stuff, you can decide to not take that advice personally, to ignore it, or to use it as a tool to learn...take advice as you will, but you can ‘selfishly’ not take in advice) take days on ignoring advice and others opinions. Maybe take a few breaths and privately journal it out. Write about some points that you do feel confident about, that aligns with your intuition and inner compass, and try to remove yourself in that time from the people who are calling you selfish.

    If a particular person in my life is repeatedly telling me that I am selfish, a bad person, or overly self centered, first: I would try to figure out whether or not their views are harming my mind and if their focus on me is for their own best interests or not...do they really care about me? Are they just stuck in their own world view and how they were raised/insecure/jealous/etc themselves? Next, I would try to clearly tell them what I don’t appreciate the things they are telling me are, tell them what my boundaries are, or remove myself from that person. Because if I don’t do that for myself, I would feel confused as to whether or not I was actually a bad person, and thinking that I’m a bad person is not a healthy or productive feeling for anyone.

     

    -Cultivate and notice patterns in people who are trying to get stuff out of you. If you happen to be the type of person who naturally feels the urge to give, notice if that person you are giving to isn’t giving back. A healthy sense of giving imo is an even sense of back and forth giving. (This excludes pets and children because they aren’t independent, but even pets and children shouldn’t feel like a major obligation otherwise that can lead to care burnout or sometimes even resentment.) If the other person is in the habit of taking, taking, taking: CUT that person out of your life, or just walk away from them. It may feel cruel, but writing out some boundaries and practicing bringing out those boundaries bit by bit can slowly go towards improvement in living up to those boundaries. 

     

    -Practical day to day life small improvements and success such as money or improving ‘x’ skills: Aim to make it feel sexy as hell. :P As an exciting, fun thing, in the energetic/internal sense. I often feel like I struggle to improve myself because it turns into this obligation...and feeling selfish. I have areas of repressed Stage Orange myself, because I used to really dislike many aspects of State Orange. Such as: thinking about material wealth and gain, becoming a successful person, gaining status and external like of any kind, doing great at school or jobs, time management, etc...it gave me a very meh feeling. It felt a bit like the world was pointing a gun at my head, smiling, saying ‘Get better at living life and like it OR ELSE.’ I find that romanticizing small improvement steps helps in reducing this hate/obligation feeling in needing to succeed in life...maybe romanticizing isn’t the right word, but finding fun and excitement in success. I think finding role models can help in this, people who talk with enthusiasm and authenticity about creating healthy habits and success in their life. Whether it be someone you know in your day to day life, or a youtuber. What are some ways to make success and planning for success feel more fulfilling and full of life? Oftentimes stage orange I feel is very masculine, but there are more feminine approaches towards success-mindset, I think. Or mixing stage orange with stage green. There’s nothing wrong with focusing on yourself and enjoying life's small material successes.

     

    -Have hours or days where you follow your heart, interests and desires, and not try to ‘fix’ yourself. Like on this forum I’ve noticed that people are trying to fix fix fix themselves, and telling others how to fix themselves. And while the overall purpose of this forum is to try and self-actualize, the process of self actualization can be painful, is confusing, is too much thinking, is a lot of people telling other people what they think they need to do...so I think it can be good to take moments to not focus on becoming a better or different person, and simply attempt to live life through your feelings, heart and interests, and direct experience without over analyzing yourself. 

     

    -Focus on positive self empowerment: Learn how to trust your own mind, or at least love it. Notice the things that are great about you, that make you a unique individual. Practice self care and practice self assertiveness. 

     

    -Work on ego-building, self identity building, and getting back to the basics. What I mean by ego-building is not acting overly childish or impulsive, but on building yourself up and knowing who you are, without feeling the need to transcend the ego

    You're a savior. 

    This is how I was feeling. I always felt ashamed, guilty and demonized for spending time with myself.

     


  3. 5 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

    The discussions/debates between Preety India and Leo regarding gender related stuff and dating are possibly the highlight of this forum for me hahahahahahha :D:P 

     

    I hardly ever debate @Leo Gura

    This is probably the first time I showed some spine debating him. I'm usually scared of him. 

    I tend to recoil in fear of him because he is more logical than me and I have fear of authority. He is male, authoritarian, founder of the forum, so that definitely makes me nervous and I try to not argue too much with him. 

    So whenever he comes down on me, I tend to cower back and flee the argument. 

    This is my typical response to any authoritarian male (sometimes to authoritarian females as well) 

    Male aggression makes me cower back as a typical response. I'm just glad Leo is never too aggressive with me. In a way he doesn't need to. If he says even a little, I immediately leave his discussion and don't drag it further. For me just a few words is enough to start recoiling back.

    I'm too shy and reserved and fearing kind of person, not how people imagine me.

    A tiny bit of authority can make me submissive.

     


  4. @thisintegrated lolling at hormone. Nope. I don't want hormones. 

    I need to cultivate masculinity but finding it difficult because I don't naturally posses it.

    I have always been surrounded by females.

    I never talk much to men.

    So I'm kinda closed off to their masculinity. 

    There is no male in my life right now. I think having a male helps with such things. To have some influence.

    Like whenever I'm surrounded by many men, I watch them, learn from them and I feel motivated to do better, I try to rub their qualities on me little bit, generally dominant males help me achieve this.

     


  5.  

    • Seeking stage Red and stage Orange
    • Elements of opportunism 
    • Elements of selfishness
    • Elements of logic and craftiness
    • Elements of greediness 
    • Elements of survival 
    • Elements of passion, purpose driven, assertiveness,leadership, go getter
    • Elements of preservation
    • Elements of gathering- hunter gatherer masculine aspects
    • Elements of strictness, discipline-again masculine
    • Elements of rigor ... tenacity
    • Elements of mastery
    • Elements of productivity, desired results 
    • Elements of goal orientation,vision making 
    • Elements of motivation (imagine Tony Robbins )
    • Elements of core discipline
    • Elements of integrity and Stage Orange ethics 
    • Elements of ambition 
    • Elements of judgement 
    • Elements of implementation, action, outcome, practice

     

    Most of these elements if observed carefully are masculine.

     


  6. 1 minute ago, Jason Yoon said:

    Another drill I habitually run is extrapolating 2nd order consequences.

    So when I'm about to choose between doing the selfish thing vs selfless thing, I run this drill.

    Here is an example:

    Let's say I'm about to start a 6 hour timeblock to work on my online business.

    And I have to make a decision between turning off my phone (to concentrate better), or leaving my phone on (just incase someone calls me).

    By default, I might want to leave my phone on to be more "selfless." But I know that I'm going to be distracted by doing so.

    So at this point, I would run this exercise.

    1st option: Turn my phone off -> work on my business productively for 6h with no distractions (but get mad remarks from friends & family for being "selfish") -> set myself up to make much more money -> become wealthy faster -> help my parents retire faster (and be known as a selfless person)

    2nd option: Leave my phone on -> get distracted by friends and family (no one is angry but I barely moved my business forward) -> I become rich very slowly (or never at all) -> stay stuck in the rat race -> can't help anyone in my life financially (and keep them stuck in the rat race as well)

    I run 2nd order consequences in my head to strengthen ANY virtue I want. It's not just limited to exercising your Selfishness.

    You can also do this with being healthy too.

    When you're trying to decide between eating a Big Mac vs salad:

    1st option: eat a salad (and suffer temporarily) -> feel better & cleaner -> lose weight & think sharper -> make better choices

    2nd option: eat a Big Mac -> feel shittier -> gain weight & have a big mental fog -> make poorer decisions

    And so on!

    This is a good exercise.

     


  7. I feel a bit suffocated and stymied with my femininity.

    I see males  around me are quite active, assertive and dominant. They take quick decisions. They are good at cutting down too much fluff and emotion whereas I'm more like " girl crying into pillow not wanting to leave bed." I kinda admire the cutthroat masculinity in males.

    Of course I love my graceful chaotic femininity, yet it is not helpful with achieving goals. I see masculine people doing better with goals.

    My submissive female instinct causes me to surrender very quickly(imagine feminine sexual surrender). This makes me passive, submissive,docile but also less strict.

    I always imagine I  feel the need of a man(masculine figure/archetype) holding a whip and acting strict/disciplinary to make me do things. My submissiveness craves dominance to complete aspects that lack in dominance in my psyche.

    I wanna achieve this on my own and integrate things that I lack.

    I remember months ago Emerald(from Diamond Net) did my tarot reading and told me that I need to become more masculine or add masculine aspects to myself. She was right on the money..

    As a strong feminine, I feel very comfy, girly girly and less purpose driven(please I don't want to sound sexist, so please don't make my thread into "I'm sexist" nonsense, I'm just trying to be honest about how I feel as a woman). 

    So I wanna ask - how to be more masculine ?

    Additional information (added later)-

    I need to cultivate masculinity but finding it difficult because I don't naturally posses it.

    I have always been surrounded by females.

    I never talk much to men.

    So I'm kinda closed off to their masculinity. 

    There is no male in my life right now. I think having a male helps with such things. To have some influence.

    Like whenever I'm surrounded by many men, I watch them, learn from them and I feel motivated to do better, I try to rub their qualities on me little bit, generally dominant males help me achieve this.

    Also the men that I allow in my friends circle are feminine tame gay type men because if I allow those masculine dudes, they will quickly try to get sexual with me.

    So there's an inherent "fight off" feeling with such men and I don't allow them to be my friends. I kinda push them out to avoid sexual tension.

    I only allow the girly type men to come close and become friends..

    Masculine men obviously generate some primal fear in me(images of forceful sex etc creating fear ) not that I'm afraid of such men but it can be a bit challenging to be around them unless it's a romantic scenario.

     


  8.  

     Things I need to learn 

    • How to be more selfish
    • How to be unfuckwithable...not allowing oneself to be fucked over.
    • How to be more Machiavellian
    • How to motivate myself better
    • How to balance selfishness and charity / empathy 
    • How to master stage Orange and self preservation 
    • How to balance selfishness and spirituality

    These are some key questions

    Also a lot of these components discussed are very paradoxical and contradictory to each other. This explains the paradoxical nature of life.

     


  9. These men are acting like they are seeing female sexuality for the first time.

    Haven't you asked your girlfriend ever?

    I remember my ex boyfriend asking me if I masturbate ? And I said yes. And he looked at me surprised. 

    What's the surprise ?

    Why are you having sex with your girlfriend then if she isn't enjoying it ?

    So you really assume that females don't masturbate and don't watch porn ? Like what ?

    But I have to confess it's not on the same level as men like that guy Lucas said. Men have thousand times more.

    I mean I can't compare my drive with my ex boyfriend. He wins there.


  10. 1 hour ago, SamC said:

    @Preety_India Notice how what you're trying to do, is the same thing as when a man who is a "nice guy" tries to swing the pendulum to the other side and become a mean selfish asshole.

    You shouldn't try to be selfish, you should try to be more selfless and loving. You need to work to be more selfless with a capital S. 

    Your selflessness right now is not selflessness, its selfishness. Raise your awareness, your self love and work on healing and parts work. That's counterintuitively how you will learn to set firmer boundaries and prioritize yourself more than others. You need to go full circle!

    Right now you're prioritizing others becuase you're selfish and insecure + feel like you need to do that in order to get love. Notice that!

    I don't need lecture uncle Sam. 

    I know what selflessness is. I'm working on selfishness. 

    There is nothing wrong with trying to be more selfish.