Posts posted by Preety_India
My third boyfriend Joseph
September last week 2020..
Joseph used to never be this cold towards me. Something was off. If we fought we really fought bad.
He said to me - I love you but this is not working.
But he used to say "I love you" only if he wanted to win me back.
This time he didn't do anything to win me back. He wasn't trying to make up with me.
I was a bit nervous and upset. Constantly waiting for something from him. Some closure. Nothing. No reasons given.
Other than just that he loves me.
Then one day I scrolled through his Facebook and saw that he had been interacting with some girl.
I saw that these interactions went back as far as the early days of August.
I confronted Joseph on this.
What was all this about?
Joseph told me that he had been cheating on me with this girl since the past few months.
That broke my heart. I never expected that.
I told Joseph that cheating was the last thing I could take.
I told him that I was never going to take him back.. Joseph said "I still love you Babloo."
And I said 'no Joseph no. I can't. "
It was over at last..
You're still following my journal though
@Michael Jackson stop talking about me and stop commenting on me and leave me alone.
Leo already told you to drop it
34 minutes ago, ZenAlex said:
She probably has Borderline Personality Disorder
And why the hell do you think she has Borderline Personality Disorder??
1 hour ago, Carl-Richard said:
What is a woman and what is a female?
How come nobody asks what's a man?
3 minutes ago, Razard86 said:
Well you have already stated multiple times that you love toxicity.
One day all you people will drive me insane.
The last thing a BPD wants to deal with is awkwardness and lack of respect.
@Razard86 you talk too much about gaming. It's kinda toxic.
Because gaming is playfulness only when it's a dance that comes from Authenticity.
Any other game is an ego game that will eventually hurt.
I think I agree with @NoSelfSelf
The personal messenger is open for you. Use that maybe???
You're either a mental case or you're on drugs
I don't even want my journal followed.
- Falling for scandalous gurus and their manipulation
- Trying supplements that don't work or are risky
- Trying unknown psychedelics and suffering loss of cognition
- Trying psychedelics without reading safety warnings
- Not able to connect with reality after following solipsism shit
- Hero worshipping gurus to the point of blindness.
- Guilt tripping normies
- Spiritual bypassing
- Spiritual dick measuring contest - "I'm more spiritual than you"
- Not using spirituality to increase love for others, but only boosting one's own ego, flexing. Not using spirituality in a practical sense
- Making mockery of core spiritual teachings
- Starting unnecessary fights with other spiritual seekers
- Going on and on about neo advaita without being logical
Suffering withdrawal symptoms when guru is not around.
My third boyfriend Joseph
September last week 2020
For the next 5 days, I kept wondering what must have gone wrong between us. I hadn't had a clue. Why was Joseph acting so aloof and weird?
Joseph and I had fought endless times.
But it was never this way. This was out of left field.
Whenever we fought, it was always a lot of back and forth bickering and spontaneous fighting. He would say a ton of mean things. Usually he would cuss me out with abusive stuff. I would say mean things to trigger him
This time nothing like that happened
Joseph would normally try to win me back. He would be silent for a day or two and then make up with me. Usually he would start with some unrelated subject and try to get back with me.
This time he did nothing.
He said something like - I love you but this is not working.
There was a certain kind of finality to his tone.
I was increasingly nervous.
My third boyfriend Joseph
So it was September 25,2020
I was chatting with Joseph.
I receive a vulgar lewd text message from a guy on Facebook.
I told Joseph about it. I was extremely upset. Nervous. Feeling overwhelmed by the sexual harassment.
Then Joseph confronted that guy..
I was sobbing. I had been sobbing quietly for almost 2 hours..
Then Joseph began to act weird.
He started blaming me for the sexual harassment.
I was completely taken by surprise and a bit upset.
Then he suddenly texted me
"we are done. It's over."
I was extremely upset and I began to cry again. I could not understand what was going on.
Grey mode is even better
6 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:
@Preety_India i know answer for myself but wanna see other perspective what does man get from her being dependent on him why do you think man needs dependcy from her?
The man has to be somewhat narcissistic. This means he wants authority and control in the relationship. Most dominating guys would want this. This means they would not necessarily be codependent themselves. But they would love a partner who wants to depend on them, whether financially or emotionally or both. This gives the guy a sense of control over their partner, the feeling that they hold control over their partner makes them feel good or in ownership of the partner. They admire this dependency, they want to be the provider of their partner's needs, they want to feel like the partner is helpless without them, giving them this sense of power.
2 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:
@Preety_India What does a man depend on the woman im curious?
Her dependency on him. That's what codependent means. They feed on each other's dependencies. It's like a narcissist who wants his narcissistic supply.
in Self-Actualization Journals
Posted · Edited by Preety_India
This journal is complete.
This is the last entry in my journal.
With that said, I close this journal in peace.
The next men I met were absolute gentleman and I have nothing bad to say about them. They treated me well and for some unlikely reasons things didn't work. But I absolutely cherish the relationships I had with them.
They were Marcel and Benton. Marcel treated me like a princess. It helped me get over the trauma somewhat.
Benton treated me well and I was very happy with him as long as the relationship lasted. I am still trying to get over him and after meeting Benton I haven't felt like being attracted to any other guy ever since. I just lost attraction for men after him. He is the last guy I fell in love with(after meeting him I don't feel like liking any other guy anymore) and I am not looking to date men anymore. This was it.