billiesimon

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Posts posted by billiesimon

  1. Posted

    2 hours ago, aurum said:

    This is a very common problem for men.

    Here's the deal. Any girl you're going to try to get into a relationship with, she has to first perceive you as an "alpha male" type guy, i.e fun, dominant and fucks lots of girls.

    if she doesn't see you that way, EVERYTHING YOU DO will be filtered through her perception of "this guy is a loser". That's a battle you will not win.

    She will not care that you held the door for her. She will not care that you remembered her birthday and bought her an expensive gift. She will not even care that you raised kids together. And she sure as hell is not going to be your emotional support.

    Conversely, when she perceives you as that alpha male kind of guy and the filter is switched to "this guy is awesome", everything you do is essentially gold. You're treated like a king.

    I am oversimplifying things, but that's the general gist of how it works.

    Guys have a really hard time swallowing the truth of this. They want what they're doing to be appreciated and for reality to fit their conditioned beliefs. And then they just get destroyed time and time again and don't understand why.

    Best response, thanks man!!

    Yes, I've noticed this stuff recently because I'm studying pickup and starting out with self actualization. I've discovered that being very attractive and charismatic is the baseline.

    But here's the tricky question: if you are very attractive for her, and she likes you a lot, is it ok to give her support and affection?
    And will she give you affection and emotional support back? Again, I mean in a relationship where she is very attracted to you and you are affectionate, not ice cold.

    I don't have much experience, only 2 relationships, pardon.

  2. Posted

    6 hours ago, Frylock said:

    You don't have compassion and support for yourself. You can't expect it from others if you don't have it for yourself.

    I think there's something skewed in how you're going about "giving compassion". This could mean anything. Are you being needy and overbearing? What exactly are you doing, and expecting in return?

    Being ice cold and detached is a reaction. Observe your behavior and respond and calibrate accordingly before reacting on negative emotions.

    I get it that I also have to cultivate compassion for myself, but I don't understand what it has to do with partners being compassionate for me.

    If I'm dating a person I want to care for them and help them, understand their emotions and give them motivation to be happy in life. Independently from their own level of self compassion. 

    It's not that i EXPECT it from them... but I think that it should be pretty normal to receive compassion and understanding from a partner, especially if youre supportive with them.

    I don't understand why should they remain indifferent towards me.

  3. Posted · Edited by billiesimon

    1 hour ago, Frylock said:

    I don't get it. What are you needing from women that you can't already give yourself? If you can't have compassion and love for yourself, then you can't expect to share it with others and also be able to get it in return.

    What can't you understand?

    I already give compassion and support. Isn't it normal to get it back if you're a good partner?

    Why are you excusing leeching behaviour?

    A relationship is made of reciprocal sinergy, not a one way slave-master condition.

  4. Posted

    The area of solid relationships is my biggest sticking point. I have tried the warmer approach to intimacy and I've been fucked over, I've tried the cold version, and same results.

    How can I have an intimate and truly reciprocal affection with a woman in a relationship?

    I tend to show affection, help her out, be both a source of motivation and compassion.

    But they don't do this for me, they just feel entitled to get it from me and they feel bothered when I ask for compassion if I feel down or motivation when I feel demotivated.

    Is being an ice cold detached winner the only way to keep a girl? Of course starting from a basic of being a self actualizing guy with passions.

    Is it possible to ask and get emotional and motivational support from her in uncertain times of your life? or is the woman always leeching off of you?

  5. Posted

    On 16/4/2018 at 8:07 PM, Kimasxi said:

    Hey, bro! You are overblowing stuff that hasn't yet happened to you and you seem to make some incidents a general rule. You ARE AFRAID. Relax! Notice how nobody even mentioned any war between the sexes and you jumped in with sexism feminism and stuff all ready to fight some imaginary opponent who is going to trick you, disrespect you, use you and whatever.  

    You should STOP READING ON FEMINISM, STOP LISTENING TO PEOPLE'S BULLSHIT ON WAR BETWEEN THE SEXES. 

    I promise you will be regenerated as I cured myself from it (I don't experience any sexism, I forgot there is sexism somewhere, lol). 

    Then you will be able to treat people as individuals, not genders. 

    If you are afraid that a woman will cheat on you via Tinder, don't get into LTR, have Tinder too, first create some independent relationship and when a woman asks you to be exclusive say "no, thank you" ;P
    Some women will want that. Don't assume nobody will.

    I see something. You are afraid of being in a position where YOU are going to judge yourself as a sucker, loser etc. Your mind is making a mistake here, as it would prefer to cut you off from a faaaar greater context because just in case. The world is full of nuance points to the nuance points though. It's not that simplistic. Instead of creating aversions just focus on not giving a fuck. Imagine that you have so much abundance that you don't care if some rats still a bit of abundance from you. If it happens to you, you can still stop the suffering from negative judgment as it is you who judge in the first place. 
     


     

    Thanks for the deep reply, man!

  6. Posted

    2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

    The user @MarkusSweden has been issued a warning and his account has been temporary deactivated for violating our Forum Guidelines, which prohibit racism, hate speech and 9/11-style conspiracy theories.

    I would like to ask all members of this community to help us by reporting posts which feature obvious racism or conspiracy theories. Thanks!

    Leo, I want to say that I completely disagree with markussweden, and I find his responses silly in every topic.

    But, isn't this policy of hate speech against freedom of speech and pro censorship?

  7. Posted

    On 30/3/2018 at 4:46 PM, Matt8800 said:

    I have always naturally been more masculine and have never had problems finding plenty of interested women. Dont believe what you see in the media; women absolutely love masculine, kind, confident men.

    I completely disagree with you.

    Where do you see that women love manliness? It's science fiction. Women constantly try to effeminize men, and to control them.
    They don't like masculinity and you are confusing a momentary sexual attraction that they feel for a constant love.

    Women usually are attracted to masculinity in the bedroom, but they hate it outside of the sex dimension.

    I think it's pretty clear, and you're clearly blinded for not seeing it, the evidence is out there.

  8. Posted

    On 2/4/2018 at 4:33 AM, Hardkill said:

    We gotta setup a Hyper macho movement to take back some of the power we gave to these ungrateful manipulative women out there who decided to abuse their rights. It should be a new movement of men out there who are the New Age of hyper-masculine men who are able to both respect women and lead them well unapologetically.

    We also gotta eliminate these white knights patriarches out there who categorically responsible for the God forsaken mess we are in. Those guys really think they are being heroes who are protecting women out there, but they don’t even have the balls to approach women out there themselves. And yet, they have the nerve to slut shame women. These preachers, those GOPs conservatives who were dumb enough to elect Trump into office. They are the same ones who are either White Supremacist racists or are Latinos and African Americans and Jews, Arabs, and others who turned their backs on their own kind, all to support the conservative way of slut shaming women. They are also the very same ones who make sure that men DO NOT approach women, because it’s not “normal.” Yet they are hypocritical enough to cheat on their miserable wives with prostitutes and what have you. All of them are the ones who are RUINING IT ALL. I tell you, that countries like the US would be better places to live in without scum like them.

    The feminist movement was making their way towards great progress until these stupid Conservative pinheads our there had to instill the fear of God and social stigmas. If they don’t want progress to happen then where the hell will we men go to?

    This message is either a troll or pure nonsense.

    FIrst you encourage a masculine movement, and then feminism. It's complete incongruency.

    Feminism wants men to be feminine. I agree with you that conservatism is wrong, but the same is social justice.

  9. Posted

    11 hours ago, Paulus Amadeus said:

    It's much more the feminine that's being lost. Current feminism is just shouting "be more like a dude, ladies!!!!!!". it's truly sad how little femininity most women and girls have nowadays in the west. The feminine polarity is dying not the masculine. 

    Actually it is inverting the polarities. Causing men to be feminine and women masculine. This brings chaos between the sexes.

    But the original manly polarity is clearly damaged. Being a masculine woman is not a contribution to the masculine polarity if men are feminine.

  10. Posted · Edited by billiesimon

    Hi guys, I have had this emotional addiction since my teenage years.

    I've always had some friends, but zero gfs up until 23 years old, where I had the first one (I'm 28 now). 
    But even with my friend I always had this sense of being the last one, the odd one, the expendable one, the optional.

    One of my high school friends, a very close one, used to mock me every single time, calling me the "last one in the group" and always treating me as second class friend. I kept this friendship for all high school years and it completely depleted my self esteem and built a very toxic and victim ego, where I've always felt like the misunderstood one, the unknown martyr, the GOOD GUY who goes punished for being innocent. That's my basic ego that I discovered with my first emotional inquiries with leo. 

    My egoic personality is the good, nice, gentle guy, who gets victimized and misunderstood. Because I internalized this teenage period as part of my identity. I tend to be addicted to this victim energy in relationships too, where I felt as a victim of my gfs. And the dynamic was ALWAYS: I am the good one, the open hearted one, and she is the opportunistic shady girlfriend.

     

    Now I've just left my social circle because I feel no more connected to them (they're not into self help, and are always talking badly about people, so I left them to find new people). And in this social circle recently I felt A LOT like the last one, the leftover. Which is partially true because I feel no more part of their mindset. so i left. 
    By the way, if it happens to me to be left out of a party or of a social event of my friends, I really freak the fuck out and start to have a self destructive mindset like going insane. It's bad.

    But i also recognize that I am appreciated by some other friend who value me a lot, and i feel deep appreciation for that, and I'm starting to change my perspective. But sometimes I get this massive and self destructive feeling like I'm worth zero to people and nobody wants to connect with me.

     

    I want to heal this worthless feeling. Where should I start? Do you have video and books suggestions?

  12. Posted

    Sorry for the noob conspiracy question, but I'm a little confused about the two polarities and the way that the feminine polarity is trying to express itself in this era.

    Is the feminine essence trying to eradicate the masculine one and impose feminine attributes onto men?

    I see a lot effeminization on us men nowadays, myself in the past included, even though now I have a more balanced and masculine polarity thanks to dating and socializing with girls. 

    Again, sorry for the awkward question, I'm just trying to understand if a sane world of both balanced polarities is possible.

     Do you guys think that the male essence is going to die? If so, why?

  13. Posted

    6 hours ago, WildeChilde said:

    "Should I quietly ditch the social circle and approach people to find more compatible friends?"

    Yes, you've outgrown them.  I completely understand why they might have that sort of mentality because of the times in which we live, but ultimately, it's better to improve your situation.   There's a lot of really cool people out there; they best way I've met them is through hobbies.  I don't know what's available in Italy, but the most interesting people I've met have been at skydiving centers, martial arts dojos, and in bands.  

    Thanks man, I need to focus on going out and socializing.

    As @pluto said, my heart tells me that this is not my place anymore.

    It's my ego that wants me to stay in the same place for a sense of security. I need to go out and find the people I resonate with. It's not easy because I've grown very socially lazy with my ex gf, but I have to endure it.

  14. Posted

    I've started to practice self help and pickup from this year, and I feel a lot of weight on my "soul", so to speak, about my old lifestyle.

    My ex gf was too idle in her life, and now I feel like it's been a nice thing that she left me. 

    Now, I'm starting to feel "out of place" with my social circle, which is made of people just like the me of the past years: lazy, whiny, passive with girls and victim mentality regarding dating, deeply materialist and sometimes very superficial friends.

    I was like this for a long time, but now I start to feel very out of place with them, since I can't be understood and can't open up with them, they lead a very shallow and idle/victim kind of friendship. 
    In a lot of pickup philosophy it is highly advised to change your friends if you have passive ones who don't resonate with you anymore.

    The last time I hung out with them I felt completely inauthentic, faking a lot of beahaviours just not to seem out of place, and in the end I just remained quiet and stuck in my head all night. I feel like they enjoy talking about BS and criticizing people, and they don't connect with the person they have beside them. I feel like I can't really open up anymore. 

    By the way, I have some single friends (2 or 3) that I'm deep friends with but they are not in a circle, they are just 3 friends I see sometimes, which are actually very well connected with me.

     

    What do you guys think I should do? Should I quietly ditch the social circle and approach people to find more compatible friends?

  15. Posted

    44 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

    let her go. if she doesn't want to be with you, why do you humiliate yourself?

    no. this has been my attitude towards life for 3+ years and i'm experiencing a HUGE quality increase in all aspects of my life. it's just that culture teaches us otherwise. we're taught to be egoists. we're told that altruists are trampled by society. and you're just repeating that without even having experienced it for yourself.

    be free!

    Ok, but if you're JUST altruist and let everyone rob you, trick you, and beat you, will end up miserable. I'm not suggesting to be an asshole.

    What is exactly the attitude that you're leading in these recent years? I'm interested.

  18. Posted

    7 hours ago, frnsh said:

    Women just don't want to fuck the first guy they found! It goes the same for guys more or less. 

    I did not justify male shaming at all! Read what I said again. I feel your anger towards some unfairness you've experienced is just making you misread things.

    Equality looks like it is about women and the parts that are, were meant as arguments and rebellions against most of the societies that didn't give a shit about what women as individuals thought and wanted. Humans just tend to ruin things by overdoing them and forgetting why they did them in the first place!

    I'm not angry at you, I appreciate the replies.

    Yes, I've experienced unfairness in my life, poorly justified by female victim mentality. That's why I tend to overreact, but my intentions are good, I just want peaceful relationships between the sexes, without shaming eachother.

  19. Posted

    18 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

    learn to trust yourself first. don't demand loyalty.

    be loyal to your partner, but be loyal to yourself first.

    enjoy the presence of others, but enjoy solitude first.

    That's great advice, I have to work on my self esteem and self trust.

    But why should I be loyal to her if she is not loyal to me?

    isn't this an easy way to be walked over? Isn't self respect meant to be respecting your word and purpose and at the same time not being abused by others?

  20. Posted

    49 minutes ago, frnsh said:

    @billiesimon The problem with what you are saying is not exactly about if you want to control the woman, but it is in your frustration over the half truth you feel as the whole truth. Don't you think women also feel the same when their guy goes on tinder and cheats? These things go both ways and people really should understand it. 

    In most societies women are still counted as sluts if they would want the same amount of sex as men, and here we are listening to overly feminism movements saying if a man wants sex, he is a pig! Just if we could just open our eyes on how unfair all of it is..  

    In any case, if you see yourself as a person who could have tinder and still be loyal to your partner (if that's what agreed), then for sure you can find someone like you. It's not the end of the world yet. 

    I don't use tinder, never used it.

    Look at the statistics and all the scientific data about dating and mating in human societies.

    Women mate with the top men, which is why in all human history a lot of men died without children.
    A woman who goes on tinder finds IMMEDIATELY someone to fuck. Men don't.
    I know some women fear that their men could go to tinder and have sex, but the reality is that it's unlikely to succeed. Women on the other hand succeed because of the mating strategy of finding the best "players". 

    I don't like slut shaming, I NEVER said I was pro shaming. In fact I hate every form of shaming.

    You're justifying male shaming only because some societies still have slut shaming? It doesn't make sense! Shaming is always wrong.

    I don't understand this white knight mentality. Why is equality always about the woman?
    Why is it ok for her to fuck me over and not for me to do the same?

  21. Posted

    6 minutes ago, WildeChilde said:

    @billiesimon Tinder does seem to complicate things doesn't it?  I usually don't talk about these things on this forum because it's more spiritually-based, but you sound like you need different perspective.  

    My advice to you is stay single, stack up the money, have some fun (use protection every time), get your mental and physical health in shape, and wait.  Men are in a strange situation right now in Western society.   Just be patient man; 8 years from now you're going to see a big change.  If you haven't already, do some research.  I promise you won't regret it ;).

    8 years from now we're going to pay welfare to every single woman as wage slaves lol. Can't see a bright future. Equality is so fake right now, and just a buzzword. The irony is that I actually like REAL equality, but not this authoritarian pc culture.

    What do you mean with big change? what research? Can you give me some info? 

  23. Posted · Edited by billiesimon

    29 minutes ago, ADD said:

    The problem isn't tinder, it's your need to own some person as your property.

    If you want to control some person as your puppet and keep her in a leash then yes it's more difficult than before.

    I think it's good that we have more freedom, if you truly love someone you don't spend your time trying to control them or be suspicious of them cheating on you.

    Why do you guys all assume that I want some kind of authoritarian couple?!

    In fact I want the opposite. I hate restrictions. And I hate negative control and negative boundaries.
    I'm saying a completely different thing. Maybe it's my fault for explaining badly. I'll try again.

     

    Let's follow this scenario.
    You meet a girl, and she likes you, and you like her. You have sex, without a relationship (which is OK) and after a few weeks of dating, SHE asks you to start a monogamous relationship (I always wait for them to ask, because game taught me that, and it works).

    After this, you have a monogamous relationship that SHE asked for. I'm not a controlling guy, AT ALL, and i always let them go out with female and male friednds, I even encourage that.
    Now, in this PEACEFUL and LOVING scenario, where you love eachother, there's still the problem of tinder and dating sites, lurking there in the dark for her. I NEVER, NEVER suggested to control her and to stalk her to keep her down. Never. I'm just ASKING.

    Is it safe to have a couple nowadays with all this tinder culture? Will she stay loyal?

    Or are you all suggesting that she should fuck everybody behind your back WHILE wanting a stable monogamous couple with you? And while you actually remain loyal like a fucking beaten dog? Is this fair for you guys? To be a cuckold while you act like an actual respectful man?

    I'm just asking, because the double standard is real.
    Also I don't understand why women empowerment is fucking you over, while if you fuck her over you're a sexist pig. Consistency anyone?

  24. Posted

    27 minutes ago, frnsh said:

    It is safe if you both know what you are doing, have boundaries, enough attraction and similarities, and most of all, are able to communicate about what you really want and are willing to fight for your relationship! I see most people probably have the rest of the good stuff but when it comes to actually working for the relationship, read some books and face the problems, they give up. In my opinion that's on of the main reasons (if not the biggest one) how relationships fail so much these days.    

    Yeah, one of the biggest problems is that people today don't have standards and don't want to grow and learn how to have healthy communication with the next person.

    But how can a man solve the problem of tinder? basically every single woman could download it and fuck you over.

  25. Posted

    5 hours ago, YaNanNallari said:

    I don't think the quality girl you're looking for is found from tinder. I also don't think I need someone to be "loyal" to me. That sounds like restricting them. I rather have people follow their passions, not that getting around is their actual passion.

    So you're basically saying that having standards is "oppressive" to women.

    If she wants to fuck random dudes she should NOT get into a relationship. Duh.

    In your terms a "nice" relationship is when she fucks everybody and you jerk off to porn, as a couple.