billiesimon

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Everything posted by billiesimon

  1. Too much disfunction. I'll have a nice meal instead. Peace
  2. Toxic masculinity is attractive to toxic femininity Violence (and attraction to it) is a huge red flag in men and women. Huge subconscious anger issues.
  3. So advaita vedanta might be right on samsara. I tend to see reincarnation as BS because God seems to know it will recognize itself once the ego dies. That's because during awakenings/glimpses I feel like I have already planned everything. So... My guess is that God doesn't reincarnate in a loop. It might reconnect with its true nature at the end of every ego's lifespan. Why should the ego awaken for God to come back to singularity? God recognizes itself clearly once the false self is dead, or transcended by spiritual work. So... I'm still very skeptical about samsara... Seems like a fairytale. Pretty absurd to create other dreams and other dimensions without coming back home to design them isn't it?
  4. Is this what ancient hindu sages meant with samsara and reincarnation when a person is not enlightened?
  5. What? What do you mean? Why should not a dead ego merge back in the singularity? Once the false self disappears, your true identity should be clear to itself.
  6. It's been several days since I've had this massive shadow work crisis. I'm cleaning up major childhood trauma, and these last days I've been feeling sad and deeply introspective. This is not an awakening episode, it's more of a contemplative inquiry into the nature of the ego self and The Self. Others and the "outer world" are just a mirror of me. This has been noticed over the course of several months, and probably amplified by several psychedelic basic awakenings. As I've seen my ego become more and more positive, pure, peaceful and clean, I've noticed how others and reality has become more like me. But it has always been like me. I have noticed how the violence in the world is reflected inside me (as an ego). I have noticed how my problems are reflected outside in others as well. I have noticed how the world cannot exist without my conscious existence alongside it. This one is especially radical and eerie. There are other aspects of this mirroring of ego self and others, and this mirroring becomes a fusion of ego and others in the unified form of The Self, or Atman. For some weird reason, "I" am playing an eerie play with myself, disguised as billion forms. All connected. All mirrored in some sort of vibrational resonance. I am not conscious right now of being the others. No. But I am conscious right now of how much they represent what I have inside me. The violence, the fear, the insecurities, the desires... I can see how they mirror my egoic condition. I can see how being disturbed by their own hatred and fear is REALLY JUST being disturbed by myself. Yup. It's that creepy. Still, I'm not soberly conscious of oneness right now. Just a simple inquiry Be at ease with yourself, love yourself. I need to love myself. Deeper.
  7. In other words, it's like God created a scripted movie and now it is watching it by also believing to be struggling inside the story And the egoic resistances are meant to keep god from spoiling the fiction.
  8. Yes, but that resistance is just conceptual, because egoic actions are "God-sent". What I mean is that God decided what the ego should look like and what it wants to do. So, in a sense, God wants the ego to act based on unconscious desires, because that's the only way to get an experience of struggle and progression. I totally agree on the ego resisting God realization (because of the death it implies) but the ego is still 100% God's pure will. That means that the Ego's resistance is just conceptual, because emotions, thoughs and fear are just phenomena happening to God, who is observing them, and at the same time believing that it is a limited human. At least that's how I've felt it myself.
  9. What? How are you going to develop the existential concepts and frameworks? Let's take for example advaita vedanta's philosophy. It's full of nuanced and metaphysical vocabulary that it's going to boost your contemplation of reality. Maybe you were just joking
  10. Hey, @Leo Gura, I was contemplating my perceptions tonight, alone in bed, and noticing how other people in photos are just my own perceptions, not real entities. But still I can't feel other people as me, because of survival agenda I have. I can on psychedelics. But i notice during my contemplations that people in photos are just my perception and not real objects. This is my question: Does the game of separateness collapse ON THEIR end too? I mean... You become conscious of being them. And that's ok. At that point do they drop the mask? Do they mirror your understanding? Or do they keep acting unconscious? It makes sense to me that they should drop the mask once you become totally omniscient. Why should they keep the facade up? Sorry for the weird question
  11. Thanks for the replies, to everyone. Well, I get what you are saying. The Self is the one who awakens inside the dream, and not the imaginary people (my ego is included of course). But what I mean is that an awakened "person" is capable of showing that they are realized. I was just wondering if other people, EVEN THOUGH they are conceptual and not actual, can show this sign of realization once you realize the True Self. I guess it's still a game of duality that my mind is playing. Nonetheless, I found it possible.
  12. I get it, I'm not talking about the core Self. I'm talking about the illusion. Does the illusion become self conscious? Do the people show recognition of their true self? You look at the mirror. Then you recognize that you are the person in the mirror. "oh it's me". The image in the mirror should also reflect that recognition. That's what I mean.
  13. It could be useful to hear a more conscious woman's opinion.
  14. If you want tribal or violent/impulsive girls, yes. Generally from stage orange and above girls tend to like personality, humor, authenticity and social freedom. Generally self expression is very attractive to a sufficiently evolved girl
  15. What you believe you attract watch your beliefs as they get mirrored in reality. Attraction is far below Mind in the hyerarchy.
  16. This is a massive strawman. People in general tend to respond to authenticity, freedom, confidence and good vibes. The last one is not a buzz word, it's a true energetic component. You could have seen millions of girls loving Justin Bieber when he was still girly and soft. Where's the ruthless and brutal masculinity now? Same goes for 60's rock idols and other soft men like Russel Brand. Girls in low SD stages, like stage red, are attracted to brute force and domination. More evolved girls tend to gravitate more towards authenticity, freedom, masculine wisdom and self expression. Stop caring about masculine power. That's makinh you more weak. Are you a feminine guy? WHO THE FUCK CARES! Embrace it. I am a 45% feminine guy, but I have developed confidence and more authenticity and girls have appreciated it. Of course not stage red girls. Be unapologetic about being feminine or soft or lighthearted. The less you care about being attractive to them, the more you become attractive. Be your own hero. Masculine power is liking your own authenticity without caring about others. Girls fall in love with lots and lots of gay men. Guess why? Maybe because they DON'T CARE about being attractive to women? They embrace their femininity and women can fuck off. (not in the red pill meaning )
  17. Is it just my own self deception, or is God in search of understanding itself? When I have breakthrough trips I tend to feel like the Absolute/Me is just eternally looking for a deeper understanding of itself. Like it needs duality to study itself, cause in oneness it can't do it. Duality seems to act like a mirror. It can make you look into yourself like you are a different object. Also reality tends to mirror itself a lot, like stated in LOA teachings. Thus to me it seems like God is just using duality as a mirror to inquire its own mysterious existence. The biggest question is always: WHY?!? Why am I here and not not-here? I might be deluded....
  18. I've tried to improve my sober self inquiry thanks to this video: @Leo Gura you mentioned two dimensions of waking up, one towards no-mind, another towards god-mind. The God Mind route passes through the Super Mind, some sort of active and awakening mind, which is not egoic in nature. MY SOBER EXPERIENCE OF SEEKING SUPER MIND: Since I generally have problems having insights with the no mind route, and even in psychedelic trips I tend to use an active mind to gain knowledge and oneness, I've started to train for several weeks on this active mind route. I've discovered that I can intentionally focus my mind only on debunking self deceptions, beliefs, ego structures, thoughts, emotions etc. It works like some sort of metaphysical voice which is very intelligent and sharp and notices all the mental dynamics of my identity. I'm also quite good and sharp in shadow work thanks to this feature I'm training. I've discovered through sober self inquiry, during a walk in the park alone, that this sort of metaphysically-oriented mind is very powerful and puts me in a state of PRESENCE and stillness, while at the SAME TIME the mind is very active and in debunk mode. What do I mean with debunk mode? Here are some examples: "There is no home left behind. You have no perceptions of home, there is no home right now. You are imagining it." "There is no time. Time is a concept you are using to lead a practical life. There is no trace of time in this present experience." "You call yourself Billiesimon, but that's just a name you gave yourself." Monkey mind: "No, my parents gave it to me" Super mind: "No, YOU are calling yourself Billiesimon RIGHT NOW, can you see it? You are remembering. Remembering means that you are observing a thought. That thought is not real. You decided to call "memory" a thing which is just a random thought. YOu have no actual memories." Monkey mind: "Stop doing this. I have a life. This world right here is happening and it has objetcts and it changes." Super mind: "No, you are just observing forms. The voice that is talking to me is also the voice which is creating meaning and direction and timelines. That voice is responsible for the meaning you find in life, and for the time progression too." And all these sort of things..... It's basically a form of Inquiring Mind that I have developed over two years of spiritual work and hardcore study of metaphysics and shadow work. This voice is very sharp and neutral, and after some time that it shows me the mental dynamics it starts to CREEP ME OUT, and I tend to leave it alone after a while. Because I have a life plan and projects. Right now, while writing this, the "super mind" is making me aware that my life projects and my interests are keeping me ASLEEP. I am aware of this. It's really creepy. Because I don't want to awake completely right now. I genuinely feel the desire to remain just 5-10% awake (or whatever it is). I feel like I am awake yet I am too afraid to be awake. I can't explain it, Leo. I don't want to sound arrongant. It's just that I feel at a deep stomach level that this life is going on just because I cling onto desires and projects. I can feel that. It's creepy and eerie. That's why I feel that I'm both awake and asleep. I'm not enlightened at all, just to be clear. It's a weird feeling. The feeling of knowing that I can dismantle it all with this super mind and lose all sense of reality. But I don't want to. I will do it in the future, after realizing my projects and interests. I'm too young to see life as mere perceptions floating in the void. Even though I've already seen it. Sorry for the long post. Of course I've also been told and demonstrated by the Super MInd that there are no others, because the ego mind is imagining others. Of course god is imagining others, but the direct responsible for others is the Ego Mind. Because Ego Mind keeps on telling stories and beliefs and feeling emotions related to "others". Yeah, I know I shouldn't be asking anybody, Leo But it's really scary. Especially because it's sober. Psychedelics are an excuse, just a plot tool, for the movie. I haven't taken psychs for at least 7 months, and yet I'm becoming slowly and slowly more aware..... Yeah. Psychs are just part of the plot. Give me your opinion, Leo. Also the other members Thanks a lot.
  19. That sounds amazing. I really want to reach that sooner or later. Thought and emotion are extremely powerful and have a huge impact on perception, and also on manifestation of reality (especially beliefs). Reaching levels of trans-rational thinking seems to involve huge amounts of creative and understanding power
  20. I'm pretty sure that this is the purest form of what we call supermind
  21. Very nice. Thanks for the explanation, I'm very interested in achieving supermind, especially for metaphysical purposes. I guess that the classic meditative techniques (no mind oriented) are not good for that. Should I invest more effort into self inquiry and active contemplation to move towards supermind? I have noticed that the more I contemplate the more I become intelligent about emotions, thoughts, shadows etc. I'm also becoming good at connecting topics and several areas of existence together, like a unified holistic topic. But it's still a human form of intelligence, I recognize. What sober skills do you recommend to invest into?
  22. Well, this trip has really evoked a lot of post-trip fear and existential anxiety in me.... even though I've already had the dark night of the soul a year ago. Yet I'm still shocked by this experience, even though it's generally positive and enriching. I've taken a small-medium dose of MXiPR, a warm and friendly dissociative, with no body load and no monkey mind or mind-load. It's very clean and warm, soft. But it seems to have struck a very powerful no-self awakening which has shocked me, even though the experience was peaceful. In the aftermath my identity was completely shocked and terrified of disappearing, even though I was already back. The Experience I was lying near the park in my car to enjoy the green view, and decided to plug rectally the dissociative. On empty stomach. Calm mood, relaxing music, calm mind. In 5 minutes the disso was working, and I started to feel very warm, soft, calm, and anesthetized. My mind was becoming more and more silent and still. My body started slowly to lose "definition" in its sensations. Even though they were still there. At around 10-15 minutes my mood was very calm and content, a lot of soft warmness was calming my body down, along with the chillout music. The Perfect No-Self At around 20 minutes, something changed DRASTICALLY, SUDDENLY. I lost completely track of my mind, my memory completely disappeared, my emotions were completely fused into a singular feeling of "calmness". Just that. The mind slowly disappeared, and the sense of ego-self abruptely went out. What remained? It was just perceptions. Just perceptions, no emotions, no thoughts, no ego, NO TIME. JUST PERCEPTIONS I was completely still. Actually there was no "I", not even the True Self (which I have felt in other awakenings). There wasn't even The Self.... No God, no Ego, No Mind. Nothing. IT WAS PURE VOID, PURE ABSOLUTE ETERNAL VOID. So, who was AWARE OF THIS VOID? NOBODY WAS AWARE OF THE VOID!!!! The perceptions were LITERALLY fluctuating in empty space!!!! Sounds of cars, sound of the music, images of the park, images of the sky. They were all that existed. And these "forms" were totally empty of life, empty of meaning, empty of a perceiver. There was no perceiver, no awareness. Yet these perceptions were floating and being here and now. The Return into Form/Ego After around 20 minutes of total perfect and absolute Anatman (No-Self), SOMETHING EMERGED from the emptiness. It was Mind. For the first time in my life, I have witnessed Mind emerge from the black emptiness of existence. It was something incredible. marvellous and mighty. Mind is so powerful, it is the powerful force which creates LIFE. Life is created by the tool called Mind, which shapes and creates a mental construction we call life and identity. I witnessed this PRIMORDIAL THOUGHT emerging from the darkness of the Void, and it started to ROAR in this empty awareness. "I want to live my life, I want to get back into my form!" "I want to live my life, I want to get back into my form!" "I want to live my life, I want to get back into my form!" "I want to live my life, I want to get back into my form!" It repeated itself so many times, and the more that it repeated itself, the more I felt that I was somehow a human being, I started to remember that I have always believed to be a human, and that I wanted to carry on being a human. I started to panick, and felt my eyes tear up with water. "Please, I want to get back to form, I'm not ready to disappear, I'm still young! Please don't dissolve me, please, I AM WILLING TO GET BACK INTO THIS MENTAL FORM!!! THIS IS MY WILL AND I DECIDE RIGHT NOW TO GET BACK INTO FORM!!! THIS IS MY WILL, THIS IS MY WILL DONE!!!" I started to feel that I could move my body. Mind started to get a hold of my body and I remembered how to move it. "YES!!! I AM BACK IN FORM!!" I was so happy, so happy, so grateful to enjoy my form once again. I was really disappeared. I had disappeared. And then luckily mind returned here and now to remember this form. I was REALLY SURE that I was going to disappear FOREVER. For Eternity. I am not joking, guys. I feel like I was really close to disappear forever... had I not willed so DIVINELY and mightly to come back. I literally felt like my will was the WILL OF GOD for an instant. I'm pretty shocked by the experience, but still... I feel it was a huge progress in my awareness. Namaste.
  23. On psychedelics I tend to keep my ego, but it becomes merged and unified with the other forms Really amazing sense of love and unity. Do you get the same experience?
  24. Totally related to the memory suppression. Ego is all based on mental talk and beliefs, memories etc... In this sense dissos are better than psychs, which are amazing in feeling the true Self instead; the consciousness behind reality. Generally with disso I feel no-self, and with psychs I feel oneness and every perception tends to be ME.
  25. That's exactly the feeling I mean I can guarantee you that when the ego started to come back, I was feeling like I would be stuck in formlessness FOREVER. I know that on a material level the substance should subside and let you come down after some time.... but I'm pretty sure that you can disappear once your sense of oneness is too powerful. The material level is just a byproduct of ego-mind/low cosciousness. I clearly felt that there was no material level at all..... I have NOWHERE to return, no form to return to.... It's that shocking I'm seriously happy that I came back.